What’s Wrong With My Brain – Argh!

a scene from one of my drafts – no, it’s not LOTR fanfiction

That was … the title that came to my head. And yet I’m not actually that frustrated. I’m just a little worried. I can’t come up with a plot line I’m satisfied with.

Case in point – my WIP I call FS (fantasy story). It’s been stewing in my brain for maybe four years. I began plotting and writing years ago. I revised the plot numerous times. I wrote the beginning multiple times. I did worldbuilding.

Over the next few years, I made some drastic changes. Then, around March 2014, I got to work and wrote the whole thing. I gave it a reread later and promptly revamped the whole thing. I got stuck in a rut after 10,000 pages of the new draft and, while reviewing the plot, realized it just didn’t cut it. So – you know the drill – I plotted again and this time finished the thing in July.

And now I’m back to the drawing board.

I don’t actually mind doing this but I’m wondering just how “normal” this is. Should I be concerned that I’m forever changing the plot? Maybe I’ll never get a novel published at this rate? Let me give you an idea of just how much I’m changing it.

First it was about a fanatic and the displaced heir of the throne. There was eradication, multiple kingdoms, and magic jewels, and a frightening mentor.

Then it was a portal fantasy, with a science professor always causing trouble, a displaced heir to the throne, a fanatic merged with the mentor, and fire. Lots of fire.

Then it was an alternate world fantasy without magic, with an illegitimate child, an unhinged woman, a jail escapee, guerrilla warriors, a loud mouthed guard, treachery, and court sessions.

Then it was a fantasy with a dark brooding man, a murdered woman, revenge, spying, soldier training sessions, escapades, and plenty of death.

Now it’s a huge saga with tons of plot lines, love stories, and war.

But I can’t tell myself to stop being critical of my work and just write because I know my plot is not something I want to work with and I know it can be much better.

If it’s just my inner editor telling me all my work is trash, then that’s sad. But what can I do when I don’t have the passion? I do believe this is the only way I can go – the long long way paved with rows and rows of replotting, revamping, rewriting, revising.

It remains to be seen if I’ll ever write a draft I want.